I swear it's only been in the last few years that I've started talking out loud to myself. I always thought this was something people on TV did to let the viewers know what they're thinking. But just lately I've caught myself talking out loud without even knowing it, which is rather scary when I think about it.
The reason this came to light is because a fly flew into the bedroom last week. At the same time as I reached to close the lower window, a fly came in and started buzzing around towards the upper window. I quickly opened the upper window to let it out and started saying 'Get out! C'mon, get out you stupid thing!' I didn't even know I was saying this out loud until I saw the reflection of a man in the window. This totally freaked me out until I realised it was one of the workmen from the street renovations they are doing sitting leaning against our building wall. I guess he was taking a break in the sun. But then I realised I had been shouting 'Get out! Get out!' and wondered if he'd heard me.
Just today I was cleaning out the fridge and trying to see how long I could last each time after opening the door before the fridge would start beeping. When I took too long and it did beep my first reaction was say out loud 'Man, all right, all right' and then shut the door.
I don't know if it's a sign of getting old or what. But I swear I never did this when I was younger.
Friday, October 16, 2009
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
Nothing much happening...except swing
It's been so long since I've blogged, mainly because nothing exciting has been happening.
The only thing I can think of that is that I managed to convince Seb to come swing dancing with me! A few months ago when I was walking home one night, I noticed that the door to the hall near our place was open and the people inside were dancing. There was a sandwich board outside with brochures so I picked one up and looked up their website on the internet when I got home. They had beginners classes, so I thought it might be worth a try for two uncos like us.
Since Seb had night classes on Mondays until now we couldn't go before. This week, his first week free, I pounced on him and nagged him until he agreed to come. So we turned up not having a clue what to expect. I had never ever done partner dancing before and he realised that he'd never had a single dance lesson, not even at school or anything.
So we started with some simple steps and then we had to rotate partners. That was always my biggest fear about partner dancing - having to dance with some sleazy, sweaty men looking to pick up girls! OK, so they weren't that bad but there was one who was kind of overweight and smelt, and another one who kept saying to me 'Even if your boyfriend doesn't want to come back you should come back by yourself.'
This was because he was the person directly after Seb and I kept saying things like 'Uh oh, I don't think he likes it.' Whenever I got round to Seb again the comments would intensify each time. The first time it was 'I have no idea what I'm doing.' The second time it was 'I don't think I'll come back next time' and then the third time it was 'Oh my God, I'm going to kill you!' through gritted teeth.
But for some strange reason when we got home he wanted to practise the steps and has even said he'll come with me next time...let's wait and see!
The only thing I can think of that is that I managed to convince Seb to come swing dancing with me! A few months ago when I was walking home one night, I noticed that the door to the hall near our place was open and the people inside were dancing. There was a sandwich board outside with brochures so I picked one up and looked up their website on the internet when I got home. They had beginners classes, so I thought it might be worth a try for two uncos like us.
Since Seb had night classes on Mondays until now we couldn't go before. This week, his first week free, I pounced on him and nagged him until he agreed to come. So we turned up not having a clue what to expect. I had never ever done partner dancing before and he realised that he'd never had a single dance lesson, not even at school or anything.
So we started with some simple steps and then we had to rotate partners. That was always my biggest fear about partner dancing - having to dance with some sleazy, sweaty men looking to pick up girls! OK, so they weren't that bad but there was one who was kind of overweight and smelt, and another one who kept saying to me 'Even if your boyfriend doesn't want to come back you should come back by yourself.'
This was because he was the person directly after Seb and I kept saying things like 'Uh oh, I don't think he likes it.' Whenever I got round to Seb again the comments would intensify each time. The first time it was 'I have no idea what I'm doing.' The second time it was 'I don't think I'll come back next time' and then the third time it was 'Oh my God, I'm going to kill you!' through gritted teeth.
But for some strange reason when we got home he wanted to practise the steps and has even said he'll come with me next time...let's wait and see!
Friday, August 7, 2009
Moomin gingerbread
I love the Moomins! And no, they are not hippos. They are book characters invented by the Finnish author Tove Jansson. For me they not only cool because they are Finnish and inhabit a Nordic landscape and lifestyle which I love, but also because the deep philosophical aspects of the books definitely have an adult appeal. They are certainly not brain-numbingly childish.
Every trip to Finland I've made has become a Moomin shopping spree. In three trips I've managed to accumulate two sets of Moomin bedsheets, a Moomin jacket, Moomin books, Moomin bowl, Moomin face towel, Moomin keyring, Moomin tea tin, Moomin notebook, Moomin greeting cards....Since they are really popular in Japan as well I've also stumbled across things in Asia such address books, a bag, wallet, bath towel, magnets...In addition to that I've had some really beautiful gifts - all three of my Moomin mugs were presents from people, plus my sister found me an ornamental Moomin house somewhere in Taiwan (I think), Moomin mobile phone hangers and a small stuffed Moomin.
On my second trip to Finland in 2006 I saw some Moomin gingerbread cutters in a department store. Seb said I could buy them if I promised to bake him some gingerbread with it. Of course I promised! Fast forward two years later to 2008 and I still hadn't baked any yet, but I ended up in Finland again and realised that there were three different packs of cutters, each with different characters! The ones that came in my pack were Moominpapa, Snork Maiden and Stinky. But in this particular store I was in, they also sold loose cutters on their own. So I managed to pick up Moominmama and Moomintroll to complete the family. Moomintroll is the main character, his parents are Moominpapa and Moominmama and his girlfriend is Snork Maiden. The other characters are different kinds of creatures.
Unfortunately they didn't sell a loose version of the Hattifattners which I really wanted.
That's the Hattifatteners (light blue), Snufkin (blue) and Moomintroll (yellow). You can read about the Hattifatteners here. (I told you the Moomins were philosophical, didn't I?)
So a few weeks ago I finally worked up the courage to bake some Moomin gingerbread. The reason I say courage is because I do not recall ever baking anything in my life except in cooking class at school or with friends when I was younger.
It took me absolutely forever to finish them because the dough kept getting stuck inside the cutters and I had to dig it out and start over. Altogether it took me two hours to use up all the dough! But here is the finished product:
But I was so frustrated with the remaining dough at the end that I just carved some shapes out of it with a knife:
The blob at the bottom is the 'I-just-couldn't-be-bothered-anymore' alien.
Every trip to Finland I've made has become a Moomin shopping spree. In three trips I've managed to accumulate two sets of Moomin bedsheets, a Moomin jacket, Moomin books, Moomin bowl, Moomin face towel, Moomin keyring, Moomin tea tin, Moomin notebook, Moomin greeting cards....Since they are really popular in Japan as well I've also stumbled across things in Asia such address books, a bag, wallet, bath towel, magnets...In addition to that I've had some really beautiful gifts - all three of my Moomin mugs were presents from people, plus my sister found me an ornamental Moomin house somewhere in Taiwan (I think), Moomin mobile phone hangers and a small stuffed Moomin.
On my second trip to Finland in 2006 I saw some Moomin gingerbread cutters in a department store. Seb said I could buy them if I promised to bake him some gingerbread with it. Of course I promised! Fast forward two years later to 2008 and I still hadn't baked any yet, but I ended up in Finland again and realised that there were three different packs of cutters, each with different characters! The ones that came in my pack were Moominpapa, Snork Maiden and Stinky. But in this particular store I was in, they also sold loose cutters on their own. So I managed to pick up Moominmama and Moomintroll to complete the family. Moomintroll is the main character, his parents are Moominpapa and Moominmama and his girlfriend is Snork Maiden. The other characters are different kinds of creatures.
Unfortunately they didn't sell a loose version of the Hattifattners which I really wanted.
That's the Hattifatteners (light blue), Snufkin (blue) and Moomintroll (yellow). You can read about the Hattifatteners here. (I told you the Moomins were philosophical, didn't I?)
So a few weeks ago I finally worked up the courage to bake some Moomin gingerbread. The reason I say courage is because I do not recall ever baking anything in my life except in cooking class at school or with friends when I was younger.
It took me absolutely forever to finish them because the dough kept getting stuck inside the cutters and I had to dig it out and start over. Altogether it took me two hours to use up all the dough! But here is the finished product:
But I was so frustrated with the remaining dough at the end that I just carved some shapes out of it with a knife:
The blob at the bottom is the 'I-just-couldn't-be-bothered-anymore' alien.
Sunday, July 26, 2009
The Good Women of China
I have just finished reading the book The Good Women of China by Xinran. The reason I knew about the book was because I read another book by the same author, What the Chinese don't Eat, which I found at my local library. While browsing at my uni library, I saw The Good Women of China and realised this was Xinran's very first book which she had referred to in her other book.
The stories in The Good Women are so shocking, so moving and so heartfelt. It's one of those books that you just can't put down. When I say 'can't put down', I mean that literally. I was even reading it while waiting for pages to load on the internet and got so absorbed I forgot to go back to my computer!
Last night I read the last chapters, one of which was about the women of Shouting Hill, a terribly remote and isolated village in Western China. The author went there in 1996 as a part of a team sent by the government to do some research into rural life. Apparently there are not or were not enough trained personnel among government officials to do such work, so they liked to make use of research journalists, and Xinran was very eager to take on the assignment.
I knew that parts of China were poor and primitive but I had never imagined it would be that primitive! Even she herself, a woman from the same country, was shocked at how the women lived in that village.
The women literally had nothing and were nothing. They were simply breeding machines, child raisers and workers for their families. They only thing they owned and were buried with when they died were their ten leaves, which were used for menstrual periods. Can you imagine a place so poor and deprived that women had to use tree leaves for such a purpose! And they only ever got ten their whole lives.
The most intriguing thing for me was, however, when Xinran went back to her office and reported to her colleagues, who were equally shocked as she was, that out of the hundreds of women she had interviewed in her ten-year journalist career, the women of Shouting Hill were the only ones to say they were happy!
This really gives meaning to the saying 'ignorance is bliss'. The women really knew nothing about the outside world and had no reason to believe that anyone lived any differently to them. It really makes you realise the impact of education as well. I read The Diary of Ma Yan a few years ago, about a 13 year old girl also growing up in dirt poor conditions. The difference was that she was able to go to school and learn to read and write. Throughout the diary she emanates a deep longing to have a better life that isn't worn down by the hard grind of poverty. She knows that life can be better and is deeply unhappy about her situation.
So which is better? Living in total ignorance and being happy, or knowing that there is something bigger and brighter out there that you might or might not be able to attain? Personally I would choose the latter in a heartbeat. I know that this is a result of both nature and nurture. Nature because I've always been very curious about the world around me and wanting to experience something different, and nurture because I grew up in an affluent country with a huge variety of books readily available and an education system that encouraged free thinking. I imagine that if I had been born in that mountain village and lived there my whole life I would have had no opportunity to develop that natural curiosity and would have just accepted my life as it was.
Being literate is so important, as I think many of my ideals and attitudes came from the books I read when I was young. I know that since I could read and write, I've always had a bit of feminist thinking in me. I told my parents that I would never become a housewife and I would find a man who would cook and clean for me. And I remember when we read about Mulan in Chinese school, I looked up the word for 'sexist' in the dictionary to answer one of the homework questions!
In The Good Women of China, Xinran mentions a quote from Confucious: "In women, a lack of talent is itself a virtue." It really tells you a lot about the traditional attitudes towards women in China. I told this to Seb, who put on a fake serious face and said, "Confucious was a wise man." I grinned at him and replied, "But you aren't!"
The stories in The Good Women are so shocking, so moving and so heartfelt. It's one of those books that you just can't put down. When I say 'can't put down', I mean that literally. I was even reading it while waiting for pages to load on the internet and got so absorbed I forgot to go back to my computer!
Last night I read the last chapters, one of which was about the women of Shouting Hill, a terribly remote and isolated village in Western China. The author went there in 1996 as a part of a team sent by the government to do some research into rural life. Apparently there are not or were not enough trained personnel among government officials to do such work, so they liked to make use of research journalists, and Xinran was very eager to take on the assignment.
I knew that parts of China were poor and primitive but I had never imagined it would be that primitive! Even she herself, a woman from the same country, was shocked at how the women lived in that village.
The women literally had nothing and were nothing. They were simply breeding machines, child raisers and workers for their families. They only thing they owned and were buried with when they died were their ten leaves, which were used for menstrual periods. Can you imagine a place so poor and deprived that women had to use tree leaves for such a purpose! And they only ever got ten their whole lives.
The most intriguing thing for me was, however, when Xinran went back to her office and reported to her colleagues, who were equally shocked as she was, that out of the hundreds of women she had interviewed in her ten-year journalist career, the women of Shouting Hill were the only ones to say they were happy!
This really gives meaning to the saying 'ignorance is bliss'. The women really knew nothing about the outside world and had no reason to believe that anyone lived any differently to them. It really makes you realise the impact of education as well. I read The Diary of Ma Yan a few years ago, about a 13 year old girl also growing up in dirt poor conditions. The difference was that she was able to go to school and learn to read and write. Throughout the diary she emanates a deep longing to have a better life that isn't worn down by the hard grind of poverty. She knows that life can be better and is deeply unhappy about her situation.
So which is better? Living in total ignorance and being happy, or knowing that there is something bigger and brighter out there that you might or might not be able to attain? Personally I would choose the latter in a heartbeat. I know that this is a result of both nature and nurture. Nature because I've always been very curious about the world around me and wanting to experience something different, and nurture because I grew up in an affluent country with a huge variety of books readily available and an education system that encouraged free thinking. I imagine that if I had been born in that mountain village and lived there my whole life I would have had no opportunity to develop that natural curiosity and would have just accepted my life as it was.
Being literate is so important, as I think many of my ideals and attitudes came from the books I read when I was young. I know that since I could read and write, I've always had a bit of feminist thinking in me. I told my parents that I would never become a housewife and I would find a man who would cook and clean for me. And I remember when we read about Mulan in Chinese school, I looked up the word for 'sexist' in the dictionary to answer one of the homework questions!
In The Good Women of China, Xinran mentions a quote from Confucious: "In women, a lack of talent is itself a virtue." It really tells you a lot about the traditional attitudes towards women in China. I told this to Seb, who put on a fake serious face and said, "Confucious was a wise man." I grinned at him and replied, "But you aren't!"
Friday, June 19, 2009
Being 'odd'
I've always been a bit whacko. Even as a kid I was always joking around that I was crazy and a friend and I even made a 'crazy club' in Year 5. She was the Crazy Doctor and I was her assistant and we made business cards, which I still have to this day! That same year I also made up this character called Sopika who was a 2000 year old zombie. I used to put on this 'zombie like' voice and say stupid things like 'I've just been to Chile because I like chilis, I went to Turkey to eat turkeys, and I went to Hungary because I was hungry.' One of my classmates' little brother used to come up to me in the playground and beg me to do the Sopika voice but I was way too embarrassed to do it in front of him.When I was in Year 10 and we had to choose our work experience placements, I wrote to a mental hospital! My crazy friend said 'Wouldn't that be like the blind leading the blind?' Anyway, not surprisingly, they wrote back and said that they couldn't accept work experience students for safety reasons.
In 1st year uni I did a whole assignment on toys just because I wanted an excuse to bring my stuffed camel Trampy to uni. The assignment turned out really well, and I did end up bringing Trampy to my presentation of it. The other students thought he was really cute : ) And I managed to refrain from talking to Trampy so as to not look like a complete nutcase.
Now so many years later, older and wiser, I can put my wackiness to good use. I have absolutely no inhibitions about looking like an idiot.
At our old flat which we moved from just 2 weeks ago, we were woken every morning at 7am by the sounds of a leaf blower in the driveway outside our window. I should rephrase that and say blasted out of our sleep. We were on the third floor, so it was impossible for me to shout out the window to the leaf-blowing man. I decided to stick that sign right next to where he does his blowing. I stuck it up on Sunday night. On Monday he used the leaf blower, probably because there was a build up over the weekend. Then on Tuesday I only heard the sound of the scraping dustpan. On Wednesday he blew again. So much for that.
Another one of my antics was to ring the construction company that was going at it hammer and tongs in front of the old place and ask them for ear plugs. It was the most hilarious thing when they knocked on our door a week later and handed us 15 pairs of disposable ear plugs!
Today was also a productive day. Seb got really frustrated at the packaging of the organic muesli from Aldi, which we buy about every two weeks. The ziplock on it is useless because there is always about 2-3cm where the ziplock strip is not stuck to the actual packaging. I would say I only recall one or two packets where it wasn't like that. He mumbled something about it this morning and I said, 'Give it to me! I'll ring Aldi and tell them about it!' So I rang them and explained about the ziplock and the woman was just like 'I'll pass this on to the purchasing department' but I didn't feel like she took me seriously. I'm not even sure if she managed to catch the name of the product. She might have thought it was a prank call!
I also called the company that manages the washing machines and dryers in our building because I've noticed that our clothes are absolutely covered in lint when they come out. The blacks come out with white lint and the whites come out with black lint. I now have a white shirt that is smeared with streaks of black lint. To my surprise the woman was so incredibly friendly and said she'd send someone around on Monday to clean the machine and to drop me off a refund! I didn't even ask for a refund or anything like that.
I was just thinking that when people call me 'odd' or any other euphemism for that I just have to laugh because I take it as a compliment. I think for me the absolute biggest insult in the world would be to say that I'm 'boring', or 'plain', or heaven forbid, 'normal'.
P.S. Just the other day my Firefox browser went mental on me and started typing everything backwards. The letters all moved to the left of the cursor instead of the right. I was chatting to two people at the time and they both asked me, 'Why are you typing backwards?' They both thought I was doing it deliberately! Later I was telling Seb about it and he said, 'Well, that's the kind of reputation you've got!'
Saturday, May 16, 2009
In the uni library
On Tuesdays I finish teaching at 5pm but I never go home straight afterwards. The traffic is horrendous at that hour, so I just sit around in the office and bum around on the internet, print, photocopy or just chat with my colleagues.
A few weeks ago I was just surfing the net when my colleague mumbled something about wanting to borrow a book but that her contract had just expired and her card was therefore invalid. I offered to let her use my card, and since I had nothing to do anyway I went to the library with her.
She said she also wanted a DVD, so we went to the DVD section and she got what she wanted. Then we noticed a librarian re-shelving a whole big stack of DVDs from the sorting shelves on to a trolley. We started browsing the trolley and my colleague picked one up and said, "Oh, this is porn. I think X [her girlfriend's name] would like to watch this with me tonight."
The very first thought that came into my head was, Does she realise that it's straight porn?
I stared at the DVD cover and at the small screen shots on the back and sure enough it was obvious that there were men in it too.
Then she laughed and said, "Do you realise you will have a porn movie on your borrowing record?"
I was thinking, How on earth can I convince her not to take this?
She then said, "I don't think it's lesbian porn." So I quickly jumped in and said, "Er...yeah...you can see there are men in it..." and pointed to the screen shots. But she replied, "Doesn't matter. I think X will still like it."
All the while the librarian is still re-shelving right next to us and listening to this conversation!
I just stood there thinking, Oh what the hell, I don't really care, each to their own.
But then she paused and said, "Nah, I can't do that to you." and put it back on the trollley. Phew!
Never a dull moment at work.
A few weeks ago I was just surfing the net when my colleague mumbled something about wanting to borrow a book but that her contract had just expired and her card was therefore invalid. I offered to let her use my card, and since I had nothing to do anyway I went to the library with her.
She said she also wanted a DVD, so we went to the DVD section and she got what she wanted. Then we noticed a librarian re-shelving a whole big stack of DVDs from the sorting shelves on to a trolley. We started browsing the trolley and my colleague picked one up and said, "Oh, this is porn. I think X [her girlfriend's name] would like to watch this with me tonight."
The very first thought that came into my head was, Does she realise that it's straight porn?
I stared at the DVD cover and at the small screen shots on the back and sure enough it was obvious that there were men in it too.
Then she laughed and said, "Do you realise you will have a porn movie on your borrowing record?"
I was thinking, How on earth can I convince her not to take this?
She then said, "I don't think it's lesbian porn." So I quickly jumped in and said, "Er...yeah...you can see there are men in it..." and pointed to the screen shots. But she replied, "Doesn't matter. I think X will still like it."
All the while the librarian is still re-shelving right next to us and listening to this conversation!
I just stood there thinking, Oh what the hell, I don't really care, each to their own.
But then she paused and said, "Nah, I can't do that to you." and put it back on the trollley. Phew!
Never a dull moment at work.
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
On getting married
I've been hearing a lot about marriage these past few years as people around me start to tie the knot. Inevitably the question comes to us: 'So when are you getting married?' I cannot begin to explain how much this question irritates me.
Ever since I was really young, for as long as I can remember, I have never been interested in getting married. I did not dream of being a princess, and I certainly did not dream of white wedding dresses. I never understood the point of getting married and I still don't. And I don't feel it's other people's place to question my lifestyle decisions. It's like asking someone 'When are you becoming a Christian?' or 'When are you becoming an accountant?' There this expectation there that getting married is an action to be completed and it's mandatory to do so, so if you haven't started planning for it you'd better get a move on. As ridiculous as those example questions may sound to some people is how ridiculous the question on getting married sounds to me.
But what even irritates me more than the simple question itself is that some people push the idea that being married equals commitment and not getting married means you're not committed.
I think each to their own. You can believe in what you want and whatever works for you, works for you. I don't force my ideals on to other people and I expect the same courtesy. I certainly don't go around asking married couples 'So why aren't you a de facto couple?'
I would challenge anyone to come and convince me why my getting married would somehow make me more committed than now. For our visa application we had to put together dozens and dozens of documents that proved our financial, social and psychological commitment to each other, more so than married couples applying for the same visa, and definitely more than 'domestic' couples who do not have to prove a thing. That is a big problem for me in itself. Anyone can get married. You don't have to prove a thing. You don't have to show your commitment in any tangible way, you don't have to be in love, you don't even have to like each other. All that counts is that the two of you turn up on the day with your witnesses, say your vows and sign the marriage certificate. Any two people could do that without an ounce of commitment to each other. So I just don't understand the equation of marriage=commitment. Each couple is different, every person is different and every situation is different.
The other thing I have a problem with is when people doubt me when I say I feel our relationship is stronger without being married. The only glue that sticks us together is our desire to be with each other. I wouldn't want anyone staying with me just because it would be too complicated to separate or just because of a piece of signed paper. I hear of people saying they wanted to marry their girlfriend or boyfriend because they didn't want to 'lose' them. I wouldn't want to hold on to someone who didn't want to be with me. If they wanted to go, I would want them to go and not be 'trapped' by marriage.
Therefore I feel that the commitment that is stronger is the one that is intangible and invisible because it is sustained by trust and conviction alone. I do not feel I have to 'prove' my commitment to my partner by getting married to him. It is up to him to believe that I am committed to him, just as it is up to me to believe he is committed to me. I feel that a marriage certificate would render this belief redundant because you're stuck being together whether you believe or not (or until you work up the courage to go through a divorce).
I've been reading on some forums about foreign partners having problems in Germany because they are not married, as Germany does not recognise common law relationships. Many people on the forums said, 'So just make your lives easier and get married.' I could never ever do that. I would feel like I was compromising my beliefs, as if I were taking on a religion. That's like telling someone 'Just become Christian/Muslim/Hindu (or whichever religion) because it will make your life easier.' If anyone is going to ask me in the future why I don't want to get married I will say, 'because I am ideologically opposed to it.'
So my stance on the matter at the moment is that unless something or someone is able to 'convert' me to believe in marriage, I will keep things the way they are. And the final reason is the simplest: if it ain't broke, why fix it?
Ever since I was really young, for as long as I can remember, I have never been interested in getting married. I did not dream of being a princess, and I certainly did not dream of white wedding dresses. I never understood the point of getting married and I still don't. And I don't feel it's other people's place to question my lifestyle decisions. It's like asking someone 'When are you becoming a Christian?' or 'When are you becoming an accountant?' There this expectation there that getting married is an action to be completed and it's mandatory to do so, so if you haven't started planning for it you'd better get a move on. As ridiculous as those example questions may sound to some people is how ridiculous the question on getting married sounds to me.
But what even irritates me more than the simple question itself is that some people push the idea that being married equals commitment and not getting married means you're not committed.
I think each to their own. You can believe in what you want and whatever works for you, works for you. I don't force my ideals on to other people and I expect the same courtesy. I certainly don't go around asking married couples 'So why aren't you a de facto couple?'
I would challenge anyone to come and convince me why my getting married would somehow make me more committed than now. For our visa application we had to put together dozens and dozens of documents that proved our financial, social and psychological commitment to each other, more so than married couples applying for the same visa, and definitely more than 'domestic' couples who do not have to prove a thing. That is a big problem for me in itself. Anyone can get married. You don't have to prove a thing. You don't have to show your commitment in any tangible way, you don't have to be in love, you don't even have to like each other. All that counts is that the two of you turn up on the day with your witnesses, say your vows and sign the marriage certificate. Any two people could do that without an ounce of commitment to each other. So I just don't understand the equation of marriage=commitment. Each couple is different, every person is different and every situation is different.
The other thing I have a problem with is when people doubt me when I say I feel our relationship is stronger without being married. The only glue that sticks us together is our desire to be with each other. I wouldn't want anyone staying with me just because it would be too complicated to separate or just because of a piece of signed paper. I hear of people saying they wanted to marry their girlfriend or boyfriend because they didn't want to 'lose' them. I wouldn't want to hold on to someone who didn't want to be with me. If they wanted to go, I would want them to go and not be 'trapped' by marriage.
Therefore I feel that the commitment that is stronger is the one that is intangible and invisible because it is sustained by trust and conviction alone. I do not feel I have to 'prove' my commitment to my partner by getting married to him. It is up to him to believe that I am committed to him, just as it is up to me to believe he is committed to me. I feel that a marriage certificate would render this belief redundant because you're stuck being together whether you believe or not (or until you work up the courage to go through a divorce).
I've been reading on some forums about foreign partners having problems in Germany because they are not married, as Germany does not recognise common law relationships. Many people on the forums said, 'So just make your lives easier and get married.' I could never ever do that. I would feel like I was compromising my beliefs, as if I were taking on a religion. That's like telling someone 'Just become Christian/Muslim/Hindu (or whichever religion) because it will make your life easier.' If anyone is going to ask me in the future why I don't want to get married I will say, 'because I am ideologically opposed to it.'
So my stance on the matter at the moment is that unless something or someone is able to 'convert' me to believe in marriage, I will keep things the way they are. And the final reason is the simplest: if it ain't broke, why fix it?
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